Devoted readers of this blog will agree that from time to time there are stunning discoveries revealed that change the very nature of things. In this case, we have a discovery that changes the nature of...nature. So to speak.
Painstaking investigation has revealed unimaginable facts about the Picatinny Bears! Yes, the very bears who have been seen on the golf course and near the swimming pool! Those bears! The bears everyone, or rather, almost everyone...or, perhaps, some...or maybe just a few...assumed were diabolical!
It turns out that, based on more irrefutable hearsay, the Picatinny Bears may not be diabolical at all. In fact, they may be victims in their own right.
Those who have seen the bears report that at least two of the bears walk upright. This, originally, was thought to be a sign of dangerous aggression. But NO! It was noticed that the two bears were injured. They walked upright because of injury to their forepaws. One of the bears was even seen to be missing part of one of its front legs.
It is now widely believed that at least two of the Picatinny Bears are not aggressive at all, but walk on all twos, so to speak, because it is the only way they can amble. And a bear must amble to be a bear. No doubt about that.
I expertly interrogated our expert witness by asking him if any of the Picatinny Bears had ever been known to attack. He assured me that the only bear attack he could remember happened far away from Picatinny and was almost certainly not from one of the local bears.
So there we have it. The Diabolical Picatinny Bears are not diabolical at all. They are not even aggressive. They are, instead, deserving of our love and respect. And yet they have been treated with contempt, horribly misjudged in a tragic display of tragedy.
Let us commit ourselves to the rehabilitation of those bears, as good bears everywhere deserve.
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